Rhythms of Life: God, Family, and Ministry

In this deeply moving and insightful episode of Relentless Pursuit, we sit down with Joshua Tafoya—a new father, devoted husband, and passionate man of faith—for a raw and real conversation about the sacred journey of fatherhood.

Hosted by a lifelong friend who has witnessed Joshua's transformation from childhood to the man he is today, this episode offers a unique and intimate perspective on what it means to lead a family with intention, love, and spiritual grounding.

🍼 What does it really mean to be a present father and faithful husband?
⚖️ How do you balance ministry, work, and the call to raise children in the Word?
🙏 Where does accountability, mentorship, and brotherhood fit in a Christian man’s walk?

Joshua opens up about the early days of becoming a dad, the challenges of stepping into leadership within his home, and the lessons he’s learning in real time. We talk about the vital importance of seeking God first, and how doing so shapes every area of life—from parenting and marriage to serving others and personal growth.

Whether you're a new dad, seasoned parent, or someone navigating the challenges of spiritual leadership, this episode will both encourage and equip you. It's full of personal stories, biblical wisdom, and real talk that you won’t want to miss.

🔔 Don't forget to like, comment, and subscribe to stay updated on future episodes of Relentless Pursuit! Share this episode with someone who needs encouragement in their walk of faith and fatherhood.

Transcript

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Welcome back to Relentless Pursuit. We're so excited for you to be joining us this week. I know we. We have something special in store for you. And this conversation is going to be near and dear to my heart because not only am I speaking to family about family, but I'm also speaking to someone that I regard or have high regards towards. That is Joshua. Tafoya, what is going on? Bro? Bro, I freak dude. I'm not kidding you. I love you, bro. I love you too, man. Thank you for having me. Of course. This is the second time you've been on, this is my second time correct. And I know we said it last time, but we literally grew up together. I was in the hospital when you were born. I was the one that was cutting the bil court. That's crazy. That's crazy. Your dad was like, Hey, come here. I think you would've been two. I would've been two for that. He was like, come here son. Let me help you. Let me help you with this one. But yeah, man, it's so cool to see like how your life turned out and how your life is continuing to go. And that we're in similar seasons as fathers. I don't know if they can see my hat. Fatherhood, baby. Let's go. Lemme tell you, it is not official unless you got a cap to prove it. That is what I've heard. So the first thing I did. Dead gang. You heard of it? Yep. Or a belly. Or a belly. Yeah. You got a growth the belly too. I got both of'em coming down. Yes, sir. Oh, geez. Yeah, man, I just, I think that the season that you're in, bro it's so cool. And to see you experience it. Like firsthand, as somebody that's seen you in diapers, right? And now seeing you change diapers is it's a trip. It's a trip. I know, I remember when you heard the news. Now it's crazy because. I was able to see you become a dad from a perspective of, man, I grew up with this dude my whole life, and to see him take care of a child when we were children together is wild to me. So my question is, what does it look like to you to see me as a dad? Honestly, I'm still not used to it. Yeah. It's still fairly new. It is. And it's two months. And I'm not used to it. I'm just like, Josh is a dad. It is crazy. I still can't get used to, I'm a dad. That's it. I'm going on three years now. And it's wild. There's those dad moments when you see the child on your bed and you're like, that's mine. Or when they wake up super early and you're like, go to bed. Wait, that's my, I had to get up. Yeah, dude. I was like, someone get this kid? Oh yeah. That's my kid. Yeah, man. It's definitely a new season and, it is weird. Yeah, it is. It is odd. I think right now in this season, you're just trying to figure out like the man that not only that I'm call being called to be in this season, but you're just trying to figure out life in general. Yeah. And I think that's important because not only are you as a father learning for. For, first times in a lot of different areas. Because not only are you a first time dad, but you're also a first time husband obviously. You're obviously a first time minister that has to balance, or I wouldn't even say balance, but also care for your family and minister at the same time, and so it's not so much of a self-centered type of thing where you're like the center of the universe. Wow. No. You have to revolve around your family Yep. While also ministering to other people and so you can speak on that. So what's crazy is and I'm obviously you know this, you've been a father a little bit longer than me, but marriage and having children it exposes the narcissism in you. It it exposes how selfish you are. Yeah. On all these types of things, and that's what I'm learning is that you have to, so this is what I'm learning in this season. This is and I'm not saying I gotta figure it out, guys, trust me I am having my experiments and my, mistakes and what so much so forth if you, whatever you want to call it. But what I'm learning right now is currently with that, what the Lord has been putting in my heart is I have to grieve the person that I'm no longer. I have to grieve. I have to grieve that I am no longer the single man that wa that I was the center of my life at this moment. And I have to allow that version of me to pass away. Yeah. And the reason why I use the language of grieving is'cause grieving is a process of not necessarily forgetting, but getting. Over a season of your life. Yeah. You hear a lot of word grieving of like people passing. But the same ways that you don't forget these people. But yet life is now changing and you have to grieve the next season. I have to allow myself to go through the emotions, go through the process of I'm no longer a single man even necessarily. Being married.'cause there's still a lot of selfishness that you are able to do in marriage when you're just married. Yeah. But kids, when kids come along Yeah. And I'm sure you know this it changes the game. Yeah. It changes the game. It's not, it's like. When you're married on the list, your wife's first, then it's you. But I feel like when you have children, it's like there's a list and you're not even on it. And that's the way. So right now, I'm grieving right now I'm getting to that season. I'm helping, I'm asking the Lord to send me mentors and people who, when we were single and we were young and we wanted to be preachers. Yeah, I was intrigued by preachers. I was intrigued by ministers. And now you see me going up to dad's and saying, how did you do this? How did you do that? Which is crazy because like the thing that hit me the most when, obviously Eli came was I used to go to the church every single day, right? And it was almost like. That was my routine, that I had this mentality, I'm gonna go to the church, I'm gonna go to pray. I'm gonna be there for 1, 2, 3 hours. However long. Yeah. And now it's okay, I can't even leave the house. Like I have to understand that I have, okay. Instead of making my altar in the church, like I have to build an altar in the house. There is no way that I can leave the house for 30 minutes, let alone three hours. And so it's like that part is, was the biggest transition to me. Because it was like, I can't get alone with God. Like I'm struggling. Because that. When you can't get into the president, everything diminishes everything. Your, not only just your happiness in a way your joy of it, but also the strength of it. Oh, yeah. And being a dad is taxing, being a dad is taxing. Being a husband is taxing. Someone should have told me because forget it. Once, once you, you hit that, that double home run when you're a husband and a dad. So let me ask you this,'cause this is something I'm trying to figure out right now too. Has there ever been a sense of, and maybe self guilt? To where you tell yourself, Lord, I feel like I'm not giving you the time that you deserve. Oh, absolutely. And beat yourself up for it. Absolutely. I've learned that I have to have grace in those seasons for myself. And I've, I think I'm learning, I don't wanna say, think I'm learning in this season one that I have to be teachable and override every basic pre-written thing that I've made for myself, right? For example, if I don't pray, and this is where my routine, now I have it like established and I'm good, but obviously there's wrenches thrown in. Correct? Because you have kids, correct. But I have grace to the moments where, okay, God. I can only have 10, so 15 minutes this time, but whatever you do, whatever. Whenever I can, I will make sure I'm in your presence. But with that being said, sometimes your kid's not going down for a nap, they wanna play. That's, I got be attentive. It's so crazy that there's someone else that needs you present and it's almost okay, God. Now I understand how you needed me, or I need you. Yeah. I need you so active in my life at one moment when I was single. Oh, now when this kid is relying on me, like I have to be so present in their life where not only am I their source of survival, but I'm also their source, that gives them the attention that is necessary for them to grow up and mature. I think you perfectly said that because I think that one of the, one of the greatest lessons that I'm learning as becoming a father is. As I'm learning to be a father. I'm learning to be a child of God. Yeah. Because I'm realizing and to the extent of how in desperate need of my presence this child needs me. Is how I should be with the Lord. Yeah. And so that's right now is when I'm learning, is that in this season, not only am I learning to be a father, I'm also learning to be a child of God. Because I see how and it's almost like. She don't know that she needs me, but the father's always present. Yeah. And the father knows how much the baby needs. He, we need him. Yeah. And so I think that being a father on its own, like people who are watching right now, becoming a parent, the lens of a parent, especially the lens of a father, I realize. Not only how much I love my daughter, but how much God really loves us. And so a perspective shift on my mind has changed into becoming a father.'cause I'm like, man, my daughter can do anything. Yeah. And I will not love her less. I will go to war for her. There's nothing that she can say to me, nothing that she can do for me not to be backing her up. And now I realize. All these years in my singleness and when as I was on my own that I used to think that God's, I didn't realize, but I was blindly believing that God's love is circumstantial. Yeah. But when I, when you become a parent, you realize, man, if I love my child this much, I can only imagine how much God loves me. Yeah. And so I think that's one of the beautiful things, but the beautiful treasures of the season of being a parent. Yeah. And so I'm a numbers man as of late, and whenever anybody ever tells me they're getting married or anything I give them this statistic and it's super funny. Oh. Because I give'em the statistic of, nah, Google, 50% of marriages ended divorce. All I tell'em that every single time. I'm like, okay, you know what? Understand that. And then they're like, okay, that's a weird. Statement to say, usually they'll be like, we're looking at me weird. But then I tell'em, I'm like, but 99% of marriages are successful if you pray. Wow. And so it's the difference. Wow. Between the 50 cent, the 50% ending a divorce or the 99% that succeed in marriage. And when I say succeed, I don't mean just they make it to their deathbed. Being. Inhabiting the same house. No, what I mean, succeed. There is a constant love that is being expressed between each other. Yeah. While also being in an example of the way Christ loved the church. Yeah. And so you have to understand as a follower of Christ, we are called as fathers. To not only love our wives as Christ, love the church. That's right. But also love our kids as Christ love the church. Wow. Because our kids are the fruits of our labor. Yep. The kids are what is in response of our love and gratitude to our wife. I think you need to slow down. I think you need to unpack what you just said because, and I don't want to assume that people who are watching it right now have the prior knowledge of this'cause this could be a good reminder for somebody. What is it? What is it? That it's the constant communion with God that leads to a better marriage. What has God revealed to you in that prayer? Because you said 99% of prayer people, couples that pray don't end them divorce, right? Yeah. What is it that God has shown you about? That constant discipline to being communion with God regardless of the season of your marriage or your kids that God has shown you that has kept your marriage healthy? I think the thing that helped me the most, and reason why I say prayer, is because prayer leads you to everything that you need. One that is if you maybe go down, I can't, like the prayer is a whole rabbit hole in itself. Yeah. So it's like I'm trying to get the gimme, gimme the meat of it, instead of getting the. Fluff of it. And so prayer is something that one is essential because you are in front of God. Correct. And when you are in front of God, you become like what you're beholding. Wow. Yeah. Yeah. And so it says, our father, who ours in heaven, hallow be that name. God is showing you in that prayer, he wants to show you that not only is he Jesus's father, but he's our father. And so we are in that way co-heirs. But with that being said, what he wants to also show you is that the. First thing that you're addressing is you are looking at him. Our father who is in heaven, my God who not only serves me and helps me and empowers me to be the best husband and that I can be, but my God, I just want a relationship. I love that because how you said, behold you, you become what you behold. And that prayer starts off. With recognizing who God is. Yeah. And I think that you can't become like God if you don't recognize who he is. Uhhuh. And so like we always say, God, I always, this is something that I've always especially now in my life, Lord, don't make me the better version of myself because that's not even enough. Yeah. But make me more like you. Yeah. And so man, that's awesome. That's awesome. Yeah. No, a hundred percent I think. And this is like where I was envisioning this podcast going in a way was it's the difference between striving for protection, perfection, right? To striving to be like Jesus. Although Jesus was perfect, that is not our goal to be perfect, right? Our goal is to be like Jesus, right? Because our aim is different. Correct. Our aim for perfection is perfecting who we are as we currently are, right? But our aim for Jesus is becoming more like him and decreasing who we are, right? And so in that we can then be the example of love, that agape love that is willing to lay down your life for your loved one. And so as a father, we have to lead. In the example, as Paul said, follow me as I follow Christ. And so we are leading as fathers to Jesus to become like him, to be examples like him and to show our children like it's not perfection'cause you're gonna mess up. Oh yeah. If your goal's perfection, you're gonna fall. I've already messed up. And even if your goal is Jesus, you're gonna fall. But the difference is when you fall with Jesus, he'll lift you up. There's a grace on it. Oh, absolutely. Yeah. There's a grace on, I think that you said it right on the money. I think that it's so crazy that we were talking about this, about being gay. This is so wild to me, but. It is funny that you say that because I think that in our human nature, especially as men we feel like what's the word I'm looking for? That opposite of failure, success, that success is our only option. And I think that more than ever. I have become more of a healthy father because of mistakes. Oh yeah. I think that, especially now, like I see my daughter and back when it was just me, like I used to be like, oh, you know what? I need to improve myself. I need to be better for Christ. I need, and now I realize that. If I don't, if I'm not learning from mistakes, if I'm not turning my wounds into wisdom, then there's somebody else after me that's gonna take on what I didn't, what I didn't do, what I didn't conquer. Absolutely. And so now, for instance, as men, like you, now you look at lust differently. You you look at the, you look at the issues of your life, the issues, you're flushed differently because you understand if you don't, if we don't overcome this. That's what most likely our offsprings can become. Yeah. And yeah. What are some things in your life that you realized that Eli, especially I love that kid that Eli has said, has made you look differently when it comes to your issues like that? So you hit it. Lust was a big thing. In fact that he came from lust, right? So his life. Was I guess in a way spawned from lust. And so me being careful with that is we have to understand that what, who we are in private is amplified in the spirit. Wow. And the reason why I say in the spirit is because we may not see what we're doing physically in, in public. But spiritually speaking, what we're doing in private. Is projected in so much more. Correct.'cause when I allow things in my life let's say pornography, sure. If I allow pornography through my eye gates, it's rooting and chipping its way into my heart, right? I'm now allowing things openly to enter in. And so with that as I'm leading and following and I'm following Christ, my degree gets off. So then Jesus is no longer straight in front of me. And so then whatever he was taking for me is no longer him taking it for me, and now I'm hitting. That's because I'm allowing things into my life. That's awesome. And so by default, not only am I getting hit by the things that are happening in my life, I'm getting hit back. And who's behind me. My wife and my son. And so I'm getting hit back. That is so good. And what's hitting them back. And now we're, as a family falling back behind Christ.'cause Christ is still walking forward. And so it's like this domino effect. If I'm not stopping, if I'm not standing my ground and following him and look at God, I understand. Oh yeah. My, or I understand that my de desire is to go this way, but Lord, you're leading me this way, so I'm gonna make sure I'm standing right behind you because I'm not trying to go to the left or to the right. I need you, you know what? And I'm gonna it's same topic. Different path. We're talking about this, right? And one of the things that has helped me personally as a father going into lead, like going into fatherhood and not knowing what's in front of me, not knowing. The power of mentors. The power of mentors has changed my life. There is a proverb I believe it's proverb 11 and it says that in the council of many, there is safety. And I think that in my, in, in being a father, there has been a, an urgent humility to get around men and not just say, help me, but keep me. Keep me accountable. Keep me safe. Keep me the keep keep me to a. And I think that one of the biggest issues that, that men go, that go that face, especially fathers and I wanna speak to this because I even feel the Lord's like leading us here is we think as men we're spo fleshly, men we're supposed to have it all together. We're supposed to have all the answers, so we're supposed to have all our finances. We're supposed to be the providers with protectors and we're supposed to know how we do it without a doubt. And the thing is that going into my marriage, I thought that's what I had to be, but instead I was hiding places in my life. That, that even my wife Yas didn't know was overtaking me. And it came to a point where the Lord had told me the only reason why the enemy has power over you right now is because. He has authority over the dark. Why don't you take everything that you're shameful about, everything that you're embarrassed about, all the questions you have, and bring them to light. Because even the things that we're shameful about, even the things we're embarrassed about, once they become, once they come into the light, we have loose the grip of authority over the enemy in our life. Yeah. Because the enemy operates in darkness. He can't where God's light is, there can't be no darkness. Yeah. And so that's what I'm learning right now. And that is what helped. I can't say. That it was my wisdom. It was not only just learning from my mistakes, but it was the wisdom of other men. Yeah. It was the wisdom of other fathers. It was their mistakes that made me take a, my steps are more intentional than ever. When I was single, I, oh, I messed, oh, now it's I can't afford that. Yeah. I can, I can't afford that because I'm not gonna let my daughter and my wife pay the price for that. Yeah. And so that is one of the greatest thing that's helped me as a father is man I should understand mentorship at a young age because if I did, I don't think I would've made a lot of the mistakes that I'm paying for now. Yeah, absolutely. So I wish I was humble enough to accept mentorship. But you know what, fatherhood. Forces you to humble yourself. Yeah. And so does life. Oh, so yeah. And so does life. And and I think that, and honestly I don't know, like I'm sure you can attest to this man, I should just dang hang humbled myself before, but, yeah. And I think that now more than ever. I used to run from mentorship or even be too prideful for it. But now than ever, I'll give shout outs right now. Pastor John, pastor Israel, victory Outreach pastor Hyman my wife. The more eyes that were on me, the safer I feel. And I'm talking about practical things, bro. Like my wife, like me and my wife saying, Hey, you should have my social media. Hey, I'm talking to my mentors. Hey, if I post this, what does this look like? And this is all seems extreme, but I feel safe. Yeah. And when I feel safe, I'm able to be. Provide safety for my family. Yeah. So that was my, that's what's really been helping me. No, a hundred percent. A hundred percent. I think accountability is one of the things that unfortunately it lacks in Christian men. Oh yeah. Because we don't wanna open up and that, or be vulnerable. I was one of'em. Yeah, I was wonderful. Yeah. Yeah. We, I don't know why we don't wanna be vulnerable, but that's like the one lie that the enemy has over men is that you did this and then, so what it'll do is lead you down a deeper path of darkness. And in, in that sense how do you, how would you say, yes, accountability is amazing, right? But for the person that was like, man, God, I've been praying for a mentor for so long, how do I get there? Okay, it's gonna sound cliche. But I prayed that the Lord would send someone to me. And I'm saying, like I say, Lord, at. I don't, just now. Now granted, when I say mentor, I don't mean preacher. Yeah. A man that lives above reproach. That's what the Bible says. That we must live above reproach and surprisingly are not. Most of'em are pastors, most of'em are preachers. But now I'm looking at men and I'm seeing healthy relationships and I'm saying, I need to be around you. Yeah. Because, like you said, who you. Granted, this is saying who you're around is who you're gonna be. And so like in this season, in this time, for instance, as I was praying for this pastor, I never met, meant to meet Pastor Israel. Yeah. Ever. That was not on purpose. And I, but it was an answer, prayer from God. God saw my heart. And my intent of my heart, and I was so urgent to stop being the raggedy, filthy sinner that I was. And I honestly I, yeah. No, I get it. And that's how it ha you have to pro like Paul, like the only reason why I think Paul was so great isn't because he saw himself high and mighty. I think that there was an urgency on him to say, I'm the chief cornerstone of all the sinners. I'm the worst of the worst. I'm the, I am the, I'm the man that did the worst things. Like I do not, and. That mindset pushed him to a place where he needed that accountability. Yeah. And so for me, like to answer your question prayer I also, I think that people don't do their due diligence. You don't realize that there's a mentor in front of you right now. You just, because you know him, you just don't want to be led by him. My bro, my pastor is my brother. Yeah. So it think about how hard, granted, I honor my, I honor Pastor John, but you gotta remember like Pastor John's family to me. Yeah. And I think it's hard, like that whole saying of, oh, you can't, there's no honor in your own home. I don't believe that. I think that I've had to allow my brother the this, the access. And that's what it is. It's access to your life. Accountability. Is simply access to your life. And I look at his fruit and I look at what he's done, and it's I can say he's my brother. Like he has to love me. No. I understand that there is a covering over on me because of him. So when I go to him, I don't go over to him as my brother sometimes at times I do, sometimes I don't. But I go to him as my pastor. Yeah. And it's just, I have to look at the fruit. Of the men around you. And if it's in alignment with the fruit of the spirit, if it's in alignment with what the word of God says and they live a reproach, I go to men and I tell them to their face, I need to be around you and I need to be mentored by you. And if they say what do you mean by that? I need you to call me every week. Yeah. I need to know how much access I have to, and the thing is that people think accountability is people chasing after them. No. It's you chasing after it. It. If you want accountability, you'll chase after it. And that's what changed my life is that when I prayed for these men, I didn't just say, Hey, I wanna be mentored by you. I said, Hey, I'm gonna call you every week. Hey, I'm gonna message you. Hey, I'm gonna see if this is okay to post. Hey, I'm gonna, if I'm dealing, I'm gonna just tell you what it is. Yeah. And I was the one striving towards accountability. And it's not,'cause remember, we're grown. Yeah. And that's what people don't understand. It's as young men. Your pastor is not your babysitter, your mentor is not your babysitter. But now I created a relationship and they see that this. Now when I don't call pastors for two weeks, Hey bro, what's going on? What you been up? Hey, how you gonna hell this week? Yeah. Hey, you ain't making it, huh? But that's just what's, that's what's how me, if someone's looking for a mentor I suggested if you don't have. If you're at a local church, you'd be surprised you don't need a pastor of a thousand members, 5,000 members. Yeah, you need a man of God who lives a bit, who lives in alignment with the word of God. Who has a great marriage who as good fruit and you need to go to them and be vocal about your mentorship. About accountability. Absolutely. Yeah. No accountability is so important. Oh, yeah. Especially for men. Even like some practical ways of, social media as you were saying. Covenant. Covenant eyes. Covenant eyes. Covenant eyes. Oh yeah. Oh my goodness. And here's the thing is that people. Wanna start acting like a husband when they're married. As, and in a reference to men, right? They wanna start acting like husbands when they're married, but really they have to act like a husband or be a husband before they're married. That and it's not the sense of, yeah, you get the title. When you say I do. But the title can't come without the promotion. Oh yeah. And the promotion happens in the secret place. Promotion happens back well in prayer. Oh yeah. Oh yeah. And accountability in the fasting, in the pursuit of God. And so we have to be made into the husband that we need to become and this is what's. What's really frustrating to me, and I'm not just trying to make this podcast just about men because it's both ways. In order to become the wife that you're called to be, you have to become a wife before you say, I do. Hundred percent, same thing. And this is where culture gets it twisted. And I'm a little upset about it, but it is what it is where, say it wrong, relentless baby. So there's this TikTok that, that went around for a while and it was cracking me up. It's I'm looking for a man in finance six five. Oh yeah. Trust, fun blue eyes, right? And and she was, I think she was making light of it and joking about it, right? But at the same time that was a woman's standards. If we wanna invest when they're this mighty man of Gods already getting the platform right. Or mighty woman of God, in order already leading a Bible study, but without investing. Where they are. Where, for example, my, my wife got me when I was jacked up like I was, bro, I was going through the thick of it. But I love you y'all. Thank you so much. For real. Thank you. Thank you for your investment in me. Now when I'm a millionaire, now you're a millionaire. I. That return baby girl, shoot. I told you. Oh man. But she invested in me when I was broken, beat up, disgusted, like I was going through it, but my fruit on the inside was still, good. In a sense. Obviously had things to work on. But. I was a man that was still pursuing God. And though I went through my ups and downs with my pursuit, I still wanted God nonetheless. Yes. And so when we for men or women, when we see a person that is wanting God and hungry for God and pursuing God, they may mess up, but you're greater investment Oh yeah. Is gonna come when they're at. Ground zero. And I say that very loosely, right? Because I know people are gonna be like, oh, he has potential. I'm gonna go with him. Oh, she has potential. I'm gonna go with and that you don't date somebody off potential, you date somebody off their pursuit. And the thing is that's also true. You don't date people out of potential. But who's the safe People with good fruit still don't mess up. I would like to, I, like I say this in all, I say this humbly, I would like to say that I have good fruit. But I'll tell you the truth. I mess up. I talk back to my wife. I get angry, I get frustrated sometimes. There's hate in my heart. I would never baby me if you're watching this. But the thing is that it's, I still have the fruit of, I believe that I have the fruit of the Lord and the fruit of the spirit of me. Yeah. And I think that a lot of the times. Is, first of all, I think the biggest mistake about that is we need to unlearn the definitions, which in the world taught us about being a husband and being a wife. Yeah. I heard a pastor say, you have to unlearn Saul in order to become Paul. And so like I'm a hundred percent for that. Someone who has the fruit can discern it. My wife who had the fruit. Yeah. I didn't think I had fruit. Yeah. Like when you said, when she met me, I was a work in progress. And, but she called out the man of God in me. Yeah. And I think that's what the woman of God would do. And I think that while other, and I say this very respectfully while other. Men or women will fall in love of who you are in the world. The right woman will call out the man of God in you. And I don't know about you, but these were moments where I had to deal with my insecurity and I had to deal with these things where when someone, when a woman calls the man of God outta you. It's intimidating. Yeah. It's scary. Yeah. Because you're always the last person to believe and see who you can be and who God is calling you to be. And I think that if it wasn't for my wife, I'm gonna get brownie points right now, bro. If it wasn't, and what I mean, maybe number two's coming. That's what I'm saying coming. But I really mean this, that it was, I'm sorry. Fatherhood. I really believe that if it wasn't for my wife having the vision the vision that, that she saw in me, she made me believe that, yeah. Emma and I used. And they're like, she didn't complete me, but she was my helpmate. She picked me up. She told me, this is not who God's calling you to be. Yeah. This is not you're better than that. This is what you're called to be. This is, and she would constantly remind me while we were dating that you're not your mistakes, you're not what you're doing, you're not what you're going through. You're who God has called you to be. And in that moment. The right woman of God can very much make you the right man of God. Yeah. Unless you're like Eve and you doom the world. But that's crazy. But yeah, so like I, I can't say that I became who I became as a father. And lemme tell you, my life took a 180 bro. Like Yeah, a hundred percent. Like I'm talking about like complete transformation. Yeah. From now to even five, six years ago. Yeah. But I can't say that it was just through learning from mistakes. It was accountability, mentorship, my wife. Prayer. There's so much that goes into it. Yeah, for sure. And I think a lot of it comes from your discernment has to outweigh the desire. For example, like I'm attracted to my wife. I hope so, like a lot. I believe it. I, she's gorgeous. I believe it. And anyways, I was, now you're distracted, daydreaming now. No, but my, I have a desire for her, but at the same time, before we were married, my discernment was that she not only is called to be my wife, but my discernment is I see her. And who she's meant to be. And so in the same way she had a desire for me, even though I don't know how. But she still had the discernment to see me, who I'm called to be. Yeah. And so it's just that discernment has to outweigh our desire. But that the problem with even Christian culture and I shouldn't say Christian culture because, but I guess in the religious term our dating system is like the Lord called me to you. I'm very attracted to you or whatever, but it doesn't matter. Called me to you people date for two months and yeah. Ready ring by spring. All ready to get married. That's crazy. They had in my Bible college, bro, they literally had this like saying ring by spring. I can't tell you how many people got engaged in the first semester of Bible college, bro. It's insane. Now. Now let me ask you this because unwind that.'cause I feel like this is a lot of things we don't talk about. What makes what, now granted, let's be blunt, probably sex, but other than sex, what is it that makes a believer believe that the faster they get married, that they're gonna be used more by God? That they're gonna be like all these th these things that they think marriage is gonna be the answer to. Why do you believe that? I think that's an old fashioned way of thinking a lot of times. And that we just adopt it in tradition. But with that being said, I think that there is this notion, because Eve was the helpmate of Adam, that you can't go from A to B without eve. Okay. Granted, don't get me wrong, I'm not saying Eve is useless. But at the same time, and I'm sure many women would love to have an Adam in their life that they can help. But you're not useless without God. I can do all things through Christ's strength, through Christ. I don't need Eve in order for me as an Adam to get to B. I don't need Eve for me as an Adam to get through my valley or get to my other side. And he got. But I think there is this misconception that as a man, we need an eve to be our helper so we can get to be. How do you feel about that and what, how did fancy your own question? I, the way I could see it though, the only way that, that I can like that I see people play it out as. And granted this, I can't speak from experience'cause God dropped my wife in my life. I I was not looking for a wife. I like the Lord, put her in my life. And yeah. But to answer your question, but the reason I feel like people think that there is like some type of spiritual cap if we're not married. Yeah. You know what I'm saying? Oh there's a blessing here. If I could just get married. I was talking to a friend the other day. He's a pastor and he was telling me that there are social pressures about him being a pastor and him not being married. Yeah. Does that mean I'm not called to be a pastor or does that mean I'm not, I don't fit, am I unqualified? And don't get me wrong, being married is a very good blessing to your ministry. Especially when it comes back to the opposite sex and Yeah, sure. You're, but I don't believe that. God puts a cap on your anointing or your blessing, or the way he uses you or the way he wants to use speak through you. I don't believe that there's a cap. Because you're single. Yeah. I forgive somewhere in the New Testament it says that it's better to be single, to focus on the ministry. And these are the things that we read these passages of scripture and we come up with our own theological opinion. Yeah. Oh, it's not good for a man to be alone. That means I gotta get married'cause I, it's not good for me to be alone. And then we come up to the thing of okay then that means that I can't be used by God because I'm alone. I don't like these. Like, why are Christians weird, bro? Bro, they're, I swear there are some like, stop being weird. Stop being weird. If you're single, it's okay. If you're single, if you're 26 and single, I promise you do not have a disease, that's fine. You're fine. And to my knowledge, the only disciple that was married was Peter, they all were single. They're all single. John died on his, by himself at an actually, we don't know if he died, but John was on an island for however many years and he got his greatest encounter. Single. I think it's a, the same way that there are societal pressures. I think the church has pressures. Oh yeah. I think that we make our own pressures into people thinking you can't be used if you're married. If you're not, if you're not married by Yeah, exactly. If you're not married by 25, then your something's wrong with you. Yeah. And that's a lie. Yeah, a hundred percent. God loves you the way you are right now, and he wants to use you. Yes. He wants you to grow. Yes. He wants you and all. And if you want marriage, great. But marriage is something that's a covenant. Not just between you and a person, but you and God. It has to be God ordained. What is it? The three? The three ropes. Oh goodness. Yeah. I can't remember what it's called. The three strings are stronger than one. Yeah. Something I don't remember. Or two, something like that. I don't know. I did it on my wedding day. Yeah. I didn't do that. I, they were like, you should do that. And I was like I'm okay. I'll just do some community. Because it's it's a long time. Like it's a long process. And even the salt with the what was the other one? The salt. Salt. It was the one of my wedding. It was already tied. So like we were acting like we were tied it. I was like, all let's go. Just go like this. Just go like this. I was like, thank God, bro.'cause I don't know how to braid oh yeah. I was like. You might have to do this. Yeah, no, I, it's, it, yeah. That's a lot of pressure on my wedding and I was like shaking the whole time, so it's like why would No, that's too much for me. That's fine. Too much thinking for me. Yeah, I was, it was very awkward. Even my vow was like, yo, bro, you chat GBT this, didn't you go to wedding house. I promise. I promise you. I did. AI helped him. Hey baby, that's why you're so touching. I was at. They did. That's crazy. I'm just kidding, babe. Lord Jesus. But anyways, back to what we were talking about. Yeah, no, but at the same time, I don't want to be misinterpreted. As us saying that marriage is wrong. Or you don't need to be married or it's it, but marriage is a blessing man who finds a wife finds a good thing. Yeah. It is a gift from God. It is. But not every gift is given to everybody. That's right. And I'm not, some people may be called to be single. That's just how it is. And you'll know if you are, most likely, if you're listening to this, you're probably not. Chances are, but you never know. You know you will have a desire. Pray for that one person that's out there. I pray for you. I'll pray for you. For you because Oh man, I love my wife. Yeah, me too. Praise God. Praise God. Anyways but anyways, Josh, I we can come to a close here, man. I just I'm grateful. For you as a person. I prob I talked a lot more than I wanted to. But you were asking me questions. I don't know how that happened. Hey, bro you're building dad longer than me, so I'm trying to learn as well. You thought this podcast was, now I'm trying to learn over here too. Oh Lord Jesus. One thing I did want to say though, that I was like, yo, this kind of blew me away. Was the, in the essence of balance. Real quick, I wanted to touch on this. Yeah. Go first. But I wanted to hear your Sure. Your perspective of it. So your priorities of your heart as it should be in, in a way that was written in the Bible is God first, obviously then family, then church, which includes ministry and stuff, and then everything else. So what would you say to the people that say that's their priority, but don't have the fruit of that that, that's, that's their priority. Lord Jesus, you can't fake the fruit. Something that I've realized. About balance. I don't think it's balance. Yeah. And one of my mentors taught me this, it's rhythm. And the reason why I say that is because the church don't weigh the same as my wife. Yeah. And it never will be. Granted nothing way ever weigh as much as God, it never will be. So I just had a joke come in my head and I can keep it to myself is a bad joke.'cause my dad anyways, continue. Dad jokes. I'm telling you, they start coming out's like the, this overflows of dad jokes. Yeah. Yeah. It's for the past two years, bro. I've been working on'em. I know what I was saying. It's a, like something I was taught is it's about rhythm. And so it's about finding the rhythm of life. And so like when things are like the exact same thing that you said about God, you know your wife, you know your children, church, and so much and so forth, when that is in alignment. There, there's gonna be a good rhythm in your life. Imagine music with no rhythm. It's chaos. Yeah. And if your life reflects chaos, a lot of times it could be about your lifestyle rhythm. Yeah. For instance, for what I do for work, we do a lot of emergency stuff. And when the heart is at a rhythm. It can kill you. Yeah. And if the heart of your life, like if it's not, if the heart of your life isn't the Lord in, in, in alignment with the way you were saying spiritually, even mentally, it could destroy you. And so finding that rhythm that, that biblical rhythm of having the Lord always number one, and then having your wife and then having the church and everything so much and so forth, when that is in alignment, life will naturally take its course. And the thing is this. It's not, life's not the rhythm of the word, the rhythm of a biblical like rhythm, a biblical rhythm. I'm gonna make that word up. Amen. I'd like to hear that the evidence of it is good fruit. If you don't have good fruit, there's something off in your life. Yeah. And I take it as this, somebody asked me Josh, like, why is it that you were blessed enough to have a home and all this kind of stuff. It's because my prioritize. I started prioritizing and putting things where it should be at a young age. Yeah. And because of that, it wasn't because of my hard work, it wasn't because of my own hand, but it was because of the rhythm. It was because of my priorities being in order. Yeah. And I truly believe that God brings the increase. Yeah. When things are in, when things are prioritized. God brings the increase. Yeah. And so honestly I have things been in my rhythm, have things been in prioritized these last year? I can't say they always have been. Yeah. And when they weren't, I felt it. Yeah. When God wasn't number one, I felt it when my wife wasn't. I felt it when my, when, if I started prioritizing work or ministry before, which I have, I'll be transparent, I have. And it was chaotic. Yeah. Because you don't feel the intimacy with God. You don't feel the intimacy with your wife. And if those things aren't, are those things aren't in order, your ministry doesn't even flow. Yeah. And and I think as you're touching on the rhythm, I think a lot of times we sacrifice our children based on that. Oh yeah. In the sense of'cause. And we shame people in a way, as a. Christian culture does it. We shame people for whether, the Old Testament and they're killing their firstborn. For, what is it? Bow or whatever. Yeah. But we are sacrificing our children in the same way for ministry. Oh dude, we're sacrificing our children. Oh for platforms. You didn't say that. Preaching. That's success. That's true. We're sacrificing our children in the same way. And what ends up happening is it. We see the result of our sacrifice. We see our children resent God because God in a, in their wi in their mind, took us away from them. And so I think we need to be careful with that rhythm. Oh yeah. Because I've seen it, I'll be honest, in my own home, I've seen it. I always tell people this my dad was in missionary was in, has been in church this whole, since he was 18, 40 years he's been in ministry. And it shows how intentional you have to live your life with your family, with your children because there's this thought in, in our heads that. If we dedicate our whole entire life to the church, then everything else would just fall into place. That's not true. Yeah. Like you said, your children are gonna pay the consequences of it. Your wife is gonna pay the consequences of it. If I'm not prioritizing, if my wife sees that I'm loving. Other people and counseling other people, and I'm there for other people more than I am for her, that she's gonna have a resentment towards the church. My kids are gonna have resentment towards the church. I need them to know that they are the greatest blessings in my life after the Lord. And once they see that. They're gonna see, man, the love that my dad has or the love that my husband has for God. I want that too. Yeah, absolutely. Absolutely. And I think this is a good time to close. I just wanted to hit that last point. Yeah. And just to remind to any father or even mother that has kids right now and that are focusing a lot on their ministry, just remember that your kids will never be the age they are today. Ever again. And just a reminder, I'm not trying to, and this podcast on a down note, but that's real. That's real life. We can't sacrifice our kids anymore. Can I answer that? Go ahead. Something that I'm, I've been saying that my wife's been telling me is, our daughter will not need us as much as she needs us today. We are not, and that's the thing is every single day they need us less. Yeah. So if your, if you have your, the relative, she's two months. Two years, your kid will never need you. Your kid will continue to need you less daily. Yeah. And so I love my daughter, bro. A hundred percent. Yeah. No, I know. My, my son's two and I. I can send him into a room and bro, you go, he'll go crazy. Does Relentless know what's going on with everything? No. No. No. Not yet. Not yet. Not yet. That's a last episode type of announcement. Okay. I could send my son in my room in a room, in his room, and he'll play with toys for hours and, but. Yeah, say I could have I, anyways, you got, alright, sorry, y'all, thank you so much for joining this week's episode of Relentless Pursuit. I am so grateful for you to join this conversation. I know that there are a lot of other podcasts out there that you could spend, be spending your time. The good news is we are closing up, so you can go check those ones out too. But we just don't forget to follow, share, and subscribe to all our social media platforms and we'll see you guys soon. Peace